Monday, September 22, 2014

The melodic genius of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful"

Mostly known as an unlikely, shaggy-haired, parrot-voiced, one hit wonder dork-throb, James Blunt should also be recognized for his unrivaled gift for melody. And it is clearest in that one hit of his--his breakout (one) hit "You're Beautiful."



Oh God, this song is 9 years old. Have mercy.

While this song may seem simple on the surface, after a careful analysis you discover that not only is it simple, it's also one of the stupidest songs you've ever heard.

Ok. Really. I can't do this. I was going to do this one straight. Do a real transcription, then tear it up. But fuck it. My life is too valuable. This song is so awful. I'm resorting to a list. I'm so mad right now. This has been cooking for 9 years.

-It's a I-V-vi-IV song. For Christ's sake.
-The melody is nothing but the notes of the I chord, for the most part. Except for the dreadful bridge, which I'll get to next.
-There's a bridge, of sorts. And it's awful. The most perfunctory, wordless, buy-a-few-seconds-of-radio-play bridges ever. (It goes IV, vi, IV, vi, IV, vi, ii, V, in case you thought I was slacking off.) Guess what note he sings a whole bunch? Right. It rhymes with Gee Splat. And the voice leading into the ii chord is horrible--direct octaves between the bass and vocal.
-This video might be worse than the song. Sure, I understand the practical matter of removing the items from one's pockets before jumping from a great height into a body of water. But what does his compulsion with lining up said items just so have to do with his Craigslist Missed Connection? Or run-in with an ex or whatever it is. Maybe lining up the contents of your pockets means you're sensitive?
-I don't wanna see his ugly feet or beat up sneakers.

This song is straight terrible. Listen. Listen. I see hot girls all the time that I will never be with or "be with" or BE WITH or even be with (if you know what I mean). I have the courtesy and good sense not to write the worst song of all time about it.

And I mean it. I have to think hard to think of a song that's bad on all the levels that this is. Top 5, for sure.

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