Sunday, August 10, 2014

Summer is great when you're a millionaire that used to be middle-class

After a long day yesterday with two borderline heat stroke gigs and 8 hours of driving I'm spending a little time hiding indoors in the AC, pondering important issues.

I'm not a big fan of millionaires singing songs about "not having a lot but at least we have each other" or the "simple life." It's their living. Whatever. And it's been around forever. But I heard a tiny bit of a song I'd never heard today. I was at my neighborhood Tedeschi, where depending on the time of day I procure coffee, beer, potato chips, Powerade, or some combination of the four. Simple pleasures. Anyway, I heard this:

"Well I won two dollars on a scratch-off ticket
So I went back to the counter and I bought two more with it.
And I won ten bucks and that was just right
So I bought a six pack and a bag of ice."

Rough rhymes aside, my thoughts were:

1) Oh great. Another "new country" song about being "country."
2) What kind of six-pack did he buy?

I mean really. Ten dollars. Let's say he spent a buck on the ice. That's still $9 for a six pack. Shit, you can get something decent for $9! And that does NOT go with the aesthetic here!

So then I looked up the song. It's Brad Paisley, who is actually pretty decent, but this song is not so great.


So I did further research. Brad Paisley lives outside Nashville in Franklin, Tennessee. As it turns out, Tennessee has the highest beer excise tax rate in the nation! So maybe Brad's sixer of Bud Heavies and a bag of ice did cost $10. It doesn't go along with his tale of poor-ish simple life, but maybe it's more in line with Metropolitan Nashville prices.

But who needs an entire bag of ice for 1 six-pack? And let's look at this picture again (it's from around the 1:11 mark in the video):

Did he buy Coronas? What beer is that on the right? It's way too dark for bro country. Who brought the Jose Cuervo? I wonder if those limes are any good--who bought those? And HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT THAT CHICK'S BIKI...oh wait, those are guy nips.

In summary. Brad Paisley can sing about being poor-ish if he wants. Everyone else does it, too. But the thing I find weird is when someone makes a video like this. I can't accept lyrics about buying beer with scratch ticket winnings when he and a bunch of guys that look like Someone's Dad are frolicking around in a river, ruining nice instruments, and doing tequila shots with swimwear models.

Maybe the craziest part is that it makes this video look brilliant--a song which is, when you take about a step and a half back, exactly the same song:


Oh well. Maybe I should just have a beer, enjoy the bikini tops and cut offs, and HOLY SHIT THAT'S A GODDAMNED SQUIRREL ON WATER SKIES!

Happy August, everyone.

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