Spare Time

Here's a very entertaining YouTube compilation/montage video:

Here's another:

And here's a far less entertaining blog post about Stewart Copeland:

The Unbehind: More flams than you can shake a stick at!


These all have two things in common:

1) They took a lot of time to create.
2) People like to say "Ha. Wow, they must have a lot of time on their hands to do that."

I know I've heard that in response to several of my posts. And I've heard it whenever I've shared both of those videos with people. By extrapolation people are saying:

"My goodness, man. To take such time and care to cull these David Lee Roth clips from the internet...I could have spent so much more time with my children! And read that Important Novel! And grown twice the crops I already grow for subsistence!"

Yes, sir. I'm sure you would do all such things. And maybe make a macrame owl, to boot.

Or is it... to hoot?

But I've noticed something interesting. No one ever talks about the macrame owls they're making. They do tell tedious stories about books and kids sometimes, for sure. But usually they talk about:

-House of Cards

-Game of Thrones

-Orange Is the New Black

-Breaking Bad (until recently)

I mean ON AND ON AND ON AND ON about fucking TELEVISION.

Don't get me wrong. This is NOT an anti-TV rant. If I had a TV and cable I'd be watching Cops eating Slim Jims and drinking High Life RIGHT NOW.

(One of those things is true RIGHT NOW. I'll let you guess.)

BUT! When someone is going on and on and ON about all of the goddamn shows they're following, does anyone ever say:

"Ha. Wow, they must have a lot of time on their hands to do that."

No. Never.

Why is it that someone can make a really entertaining YouTube video that gets over 2 million views and people think "Damn, what a loser! That guy really entertained me by doing something I'd never think to do or ever be willing to do! I'm gonna go watch some quality HBO TV."

Or my blog post, say. It has 108 views. Got a few Facebook likes (whee!). Certainly have made zero dollars from it. It certainly took many hours. Lots of hours I could have spent getting caught up on Awesome Show X. Alas. I didn't feel like watching TV. And I don't have a TV. And when I wrote that my computer was barely operational. So those are also considerations.

But still.

I really don't give a shit how anyone spends their time. The fact that we have any free time at all is an amazing luxury. It just burns me whenever I hear that comment. You might as well say it every time I write music that has weird notes and no one will ever play it correctly or even want to hear it. Or every time I play a gig that pays junk and nobody listens but at least I'm playing exactly what I want to play, as loudly or as softly as I want.

Maybe next time someone makes that comment about a post or one of my musical endeavors I'll ask them about Game of Thrones, pretend I know what they're talking about, then say "Man, you must really have some time on your hands! WOW!"

Summer is great when you're a millionaire that used to be middle-class

After a long day yesterday with two borderline heat stroke gigs and 8 hours of driving I'm spending a little time hiding indoors in the AC, pondering important issues.

I'm not a big fan of millionaires singing songs about "not having a lot but at least we have each other" or the "simple life." It's their living. Whatever. And it's been around forever. But I heard a tiny bit of a song I'd never heard today. I was at my neighborhood Tedeschi, where depending on the time of day I procure coffee, beer, potato chips, Powerade, or some combination of the four. Simple pleasures. Anyway, I heard this:

"Well I won two dollars on a scratch-off ticket
So I went back to the counter and I bought two more with it.
And I won ten bucks and that was just right
So I bought a six pack and a bag of ice."

Rough rhymes aside, my thoughts were:

1) Oh great. Another "new country" song about being "country."
2) What kind of six-pack did he buy?

I mean really. Ten dollars. Let's say he spent a buck on the ice. That's still $9 for a six pack. Shit, you can get something decent for $9! And that does NOT go with the aesthetic here!

So then I looked up the song. It's Brad Paisley, who is actually pretty decent, but this song is not so great.


       

So I did further research. Brad Paisley lives outside Nashville in Franklin, Tennessee. As it turns out, Tennessee has the highest beer excise tax rate in the nation! So maybe Brad's sixer of Bud Heavies and a bag of ice did cost $10. It doesn't go along with his tale of poor-ish simple life, but maybe it's more in line with Metropolitan Nashville prices.

But who needs an entire bag of ice for 1 six-pack? And let's look at this picture again (it's from around the 1:11 mark in the video):

Did he buy Coronas? What beer is that on the right? It's way too dark for bro country. Who brought the Jose Cuervo? I wonder if those limes are any good--who bought those? And HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT THAT CHICK'S BIKI...oh wait, those are guy nips.

In summary. Brad Paisley can sing about being poor-ish if he wants. Everyone else does it, too. But the thing I find weird is when someone makes a video like this. I can't accept lyrics about buying beer with scratch ticket winnings when he and a bunch of guys that look like Someone's Dad are frolicking around in a river, ruining nice instruments, and doing tequila shots with swimwear models.

Maybe the craziest part is that it makes this video look brilliant--a song which is, when you take about a step and a half back, exactly the same song:


                           

Oh well. Maybe I should just have a beer, enjoy the bikini tops and cut offs, and HOLY SHIT THAT'S A GODDAMNED SQUIRREL ON WATER SKIES!

Happy August, everyone.